Tough Solutions for the Manliest Stains

Want to defuse the most explosive stains? Read on to find out.

1. How to get out BBQ sauce stains

In the pantheon of household condiments, nothing exudes masculinity like barbecue sauce. It’s basically bottled testosterone—with a hint of mesquite. So, you can be forgiven for blasting it all over yourself at your last cookout. (Ribs are exciting, we get it.) Just try to be more careful around flames, OK?

Here’s how to tackle this sweet, smoky stain:

1. Flush the stain with cold water. It helps to get to it before the stain has a chance to set.
2. Sponge the area with white vinegar to help break down the sugars.
3. Then pre-treat the stain with a stain remover, or some laundry detergent, and throw it in the laundry.

You may now return to your place behind the grill. If you don’t put on a new shirt to replace the stained one, that’s extra points.

Nothing exudes masculinity like barbecue sauce. It’s basically bottled testosterone—with a hint of mesquite.

2. How to get bike grease out of your pants

If you forgot to roll your pant leg up before hopping on your bicycle, you’ll probably be rewarded with a gear-shaped smear on the side of your calf. But before you toss those trousers (or swear off two-wheelers), follow these steps.

How to elbow that grease:

1. Douse cornstarch on a fresh grease stain. Wait for about 30 minutes to let it absorb.
2. Shake off the cornstarch, then glob on some dishwashing liquid. Rub in circles, like you’re conducting a tiny orchestra.
3. Soak the item in hot water. Use a brush or sponge to work ‘dat stain.

If the stain is still there, apply some pre-wash and throw it in the washing machine. Don’t even think about switching to a hoverboard.

3. How to get pit stains out of a shirt

Just being a man is hard work, so sweat is expected. But yellow pit stains are the pits. What’s a guy to do? First, forgive yourself; your biochemistry isn’t to blame. Underarm stains are caused by aluminum in antiperspirants. Switch to something aluminum-free and problem solved. But for stains you already have…

Cure your pit stain headache with Aspirin:

1. Crush three Aspirin tablets. You can use a mortar and pestle (if you’re a fancy apothecary type) or just toss them in a freezer bag and hulk smash.
2. Mix the Aspirin with 2 tablespoons of hot water to create a paste.
3. Apply the analgesic paste to the armpits of your already-wet shirt and let it sit for an hour.

Then rinse or launder as usual. And remember: most deodorants are aluminum-free. You could try using crystals like our hippie roommate from college, but we don’t recommend it.

Yellow pit stains are the pits. What’s a guy to do? First, forgive yourself; your biochemistry isn’t to blame.

4. How to remove a blood stain

Your favorite dress shirt is covered with blood and, look, we don’t want to know the details. There’s probably a reasonable explanation involving lawn darts or amateur axe throwing or, whatever. Tell it to the authorities. But right now, you’ve got blood on your garment and time is of the essence.

How to diffuse that hemoglobin:

1. Soak the stain in ice-cold water. Hot water will set the stain (this is bad) while cold water slows the proteins in the blood (this is science).
2. Squirt hydrogen peroxide onto the stain. You can get hydrogen peroxide from most pharmacies. Rub it in until it foams.
3. Wipe away the foam and repeat as necessary until the stain has faded substantially.

As usual, you’ll want to wash the garment fairly soon. Also, try be more careful with your harpoon collection.

There’s probably a reasonable explanation involving lawn darts or amateur axe throwing or, whatever. Tell it to the authorities. But right now, you’ve got blood on your garment and time is of the essence.

5. How to get out a coffee stain

Sure, before you’ve ingested your morning cup, you’re as good as comatose. So it’s a double burn when a few drops of Americano flee your mouth and find refuge in your new khakis—and only moments before that big presentation at work (doh!). Don’t switch to tea just yet. There is a way to jazz that java away.

How to cream that coffee stain:

1. Blot the stain immediately with cold water.
2. Mix together an egg yolk, a few drops of rubbing alcohol and warm water. Beat the mixture together and add it to the stain. Yes, you read that right.
3. Let it sit for a few minutes and then rinse thoroughly with water.

This sounds crazy, but it works. And best of all, you can make an egg-white omelet afterward.

Now that we’ve eased your mind about stains, how about a new pair of chino shorts and a tee? Take your style quiz and let your style expert know what items you’re on the hunt for. Wear your new outfit to a weekend BBQ and reach for extra sauce without worry. Sit and relax while we send five items to your doorstep. Keep what you love and return the rest. Shipping and returns are always free.